Over...

You know what? I'm done with you and through with this... 

The chase is over...

Exoskeleton...

Hi again... Hmmm it has been day 15 since my recent surgery... I'm not going to lie and pretend that everything is fine because the truth is i'm not... As my usual self i would normally just flaunt my hard shell and proudly show the world that i'm a brave warrior but this time around i think i failed... How could one care so much about you and become a complete stranger within a split second? i just can't seem to understand that simple thing that had happen and I definitely in denial of the existence of the word "over"... Suddenly, I hate this wheel chair that I always depend on to move on... Maybe i just needed something or at least someone to blame for causing me to feel the way I am feeling now... You know, this blue black bruises that i'm having right after the surgery is surprisingly less painful than the pain that i have in my heart right now... Then, in this very moment, i do realized that when a crab has recently molted its old exoskeleton, it has a soft shell... It is more vulnerable than ever... Note to self: Stop the crap u crappy crab!

Pedih

Assalamualaikum semua... Macam lah wujud semua disini... Kan cuma hanya ada kita... Haih... Tak tau lah kawanku... 7 hari terlantar macam mimpi ngeri berulang kembali... Sedih sebab memang susungguhnya kita ni takda sesiapa kan... Kita ni dipenuhi mereka-mereka yang sebenarnya tak pernah kesahpun pada kita... Dia yang kita ingat akan dekat dengan kita bila kita perlu kan sangat dia pun sangat mengecewakan... Kita memang tak bole harapkan sesiapa... Kita kena lari dari kesakitan ini... Kita perlu tidur dan kena belajar untuk tidur nyenyak ditemani mimpi indah sebab alam jaga tak menjanjikan apa-apa untuk kita hanya pedih...

Bunion...

An awkward hi to begin this entry with... Hmmm a long paused... I thought I am strong and as tough as I seemed to be but I'm just a softie somehow... The number one used to be my dream but i guess now i wouldn't mind the number two which i'm always against all this while... Sigh... Maybe i changed... Perhaps, being a typical human, when you finally get what you wish for, all of a sudden you realised that you no longer wanting it... One word to sums it all "ungrateful"... So, here's the thing, is it wrong to want someone to be there for you to hold you tight and to convince you that everything is going to be alright especially when you are totally scared of something big? Yes, the agreement was different but you are just a little baby girl... Words could be a killer if you convey it wrongly... I might ended up with zero once again which hurt me more than a surgery... By the way, I had a bunion surgery recently and damn it's painful... Bunion is not bunian ok...

Kicap...

Tak faham kenapa perlu melekat rasa itu... Tak tahu sekedut mana permukaan itu... Tak melawan tapi tak pula menelan hanya begitu... Tak keruan di noda kelikatan sebegitu... Haih... Kenapa tak ludah saja racun itu... Kenapa diamati saja perih itu... Kenapa dibiarkan terjamah santapan syaitan itu... Kenapa tak dihalang si hantu kicap itu? Kicap itu kicap hitam yang sedap tapi jijik...

Magic potion...

One says to me once that one of the ingredients to create the most powerful magic potion is to store it inside man's heart but need to steal it first... Knowing me as a confident witch, I told that someone it's easy to steal one's heart but to find one that understand the word commitment and responsibility is challenging... One can love someone without giving their commitment and one can say the word I love you easily without taking them into their list of responsibility... The heart out of obsession is powerless as it will fade away soon or later but that particular heart out of the two words mentioned, is difficult to find but it could create the most powerful potion one can only imagine... I guess note to self : It's time to drag out that giant cauldron to concoct a mystical recipe that can help getting what you want and start creating a recipe for success... Who knows I might get lucky trying to cook that most powerful magic potion?

Wrong Combinations...

hmmm... still the same old me... I've been meaning to write for ages but I'm not sure what stops me... quite a number of interesting and not so interesting chapter in my life and I know I should share some with you but I didn't... the thing is I can really write only when I'm sad or depress but not so good in sharing my happiness which I know is not healthy sometime... I've been drawning myself into work just to channel my energy to something good until I forgot the rules of keeping a good balance in every single thing... worked 7days a week although officially it is 5 days a week only... the thing is I don't want to go back to my old habit where I do things without considering the consequences... been through a hell of a journey and I believe I should learn from it... I mean think about it... chances are given so that you could correct your mistakes by doing a right thing... all I'm saying is I want to start over but suddenly fate plays on me again and force me to wait another while longer... White turn into black from a mixture of wrong combinations... sigh...