Candy Crush...

Most people have a strong faith of something that they call love... Me? Honestly, i swear I'm still trying to but i can tell you that it ain't simple and not as easy as abc... They said great things won't appear in front of your door just because you knocked... Sometimes they might surprised you with another great adventure or a hard test to challenge you to another level... Just like paying candy crush where you need to be persistence and patience... I keep on asking myself whether or not the patience is still exist but the truth is I have no idea... I think the pain is still there and this is not me who's talking in a negative manner... Seriously, apart from working so hard to get better after the surgery, I am also struggling to heal my swollen soul... I am happy that the bruises is disappearing but the scar that I have in my heart is still thick no matter how religiously I applied the scar removal gel... I hate to feel down or sad... And I hate the fact that i hate it because hate is still hate and hatred can kill you... All I wanted is to be happy but happiness seems to be too big of a word for me... Will there be any room of happiness left for me? I don't want to feel like a child whom finally discover that Santa didn't exist... It's important to strongly believe in something and to be able to hold on to it... I wish I could simply turn off my humanity like a vampire so that I won't feel a thing but the beauty of life itself is by being a perfect human... I love being human but I really wish I could taste the essence of happiness instead of just wanting it... I think the whole series of misery that I went through all this while was a karma but it has been 5 seasons if this stories of mine was a movie and don't tell me that they want to continue with season six? Oh dear! Anyone would be tumbling down the hill if they were in this situation... Coughing badly still to top it all... What else is coming? Hmmmmm...

Nobody said it was easy... Suddenly, "The Scientist" run in my head... Chin up lil soldier (keep telling myself that) each time I am about to crush...

Indah...

Rindu itu indah kalau ada yang menanti... Lebih indah lagi bila yang menanti itu menyayangi...

Over...

You know what? I'm done with you and through with this... 

The chase is over...

Exoskeleton...

Hi again... Hmmm it has been day 15 since my recent surgery... I'm not going to lie and pretend that everything is fine because the truth is i'm not... As my usual self i would normally just flaunt my hard shell and proudly show the world that i'm a brave warrior but this time around i think i failed... How could one care so much about you and become a complete stranger within a split second? i just can't seem to understand that simple thing that had happen and I definitely in denial of the existence of the word "over"... Suddenly, I hate this wheel chair that I always depend on to move on... Maybe i just needed something or at least someone to blame for causing me to feel the way I am feeling now... You know, this blue black bruises that i'm having right after the surgery is surprisingly less painful than the pain that i have in my heart right now... Then, in this very moment, i do realized that when a crab has recently molted its old exoskeleton, it has a soft shell... It is more vulnerable than ever... Note to self: Stop the crap u crappy crab!

Pedih

Assalamualaikum semua... Macam lah wujud semua disini... Kan cuma hanya ada kita... Haih... Tak tau lah kawanku... 7 hari terlantar macam mimpi ngeri berulang kembali... Sedih sebab memang susungguhnya kita ni takda sesiapa kan... Kita ni dipenuhi mereka-mereka yang sebenarnya tak pernah kesahpun pada kita... Dia yang kita ingat akan dekat dengan kita bila kita perlu kan sangat dia pun sangat mengecewakan... Kita memang tak bole harapkan sesiapa... Kita kena lari dari kesakitan ini... Kita perlu tidur dan kena belajar untuk tidur nyenyak ditemani mimpi indah sebab alam jaga tak menjanjikan apa-apa untuk kita hanya pedih...

Bunion...

An awkward hi to begin this entry with... Hmmm a long paused... I thought I am strong and as tough as I seemed to be but I'm just a softie somehow... The number one used to be my dream but i guess now i wouldn't mind the number two which i'm always against all this while... Sigh... Maybe i changed... Perhaps, being a typical human, when you finally get what you wish for, all of a sudden you realised that you no longer wanting it... One word to sums it all "ungrateful"... So, here's the thing, is it wrong to want someone to be there for you to hold you tight and to convince you that everything is going to be alright especially when you are totally scared of something big? Yes, the agreement was different but you are just a little baby girl... Words could be a killer if you convey it wrongly... I might ended up with zero once again which hurt me more than a surgery... By the way, I had a bunion surgery recently and damn it's painful... Bunion is not bunian ok...

Kicap...

Tak faham kenapa perlu melekat rasa itu... Tak tahu sekedut mana permukaan itu... Tak melawan tapi tak pula menelan hanya begitu... Tak keruan di noda kelikatan sebegitu... Haih... Kenapa tak ludah saja racun itu... Kenapa diamati saja perih itu... Kenapa dibiarkan terjamah santapan syaitan itu... Kenapa tak dihalang si hantu kicap itu? Kicap itu kicap hitam yang sedap tapi jijik...