Merah...

Disangka mati tapi hakikatnya masih bernyawa...

Dikira bernyawa tapi nadi seolah terhenti...

Dikira berdarah tak ada setitispun meleleh mahupun tumpah...

Yang pasti, darah itu merah... 

Merah itu boleh jadi parah tetapi boleh juga jadi penawar mati...

 

Kadang tertanyakan oleh akal dimana logiknya keberadaan merah...

Logik bakal bertanya kenapa merah? Kenapa bukan hijau, kenapa bukan putih?

Putih itu bersih, manakala hijau itu alami... 

Tapi keduanya tak mungkin ku jadikan satu...

Keduanya ku perlu tapi tak mungkin melekap padaku... 

Merah pula bagaimana? 

Hmmm... Merah itu berbeza... Merah itu sentiasa ada... 

Merah itu hadir tanpa dipinta...

 

Yang jelas nyatanya, setiap titisan darah yang mengalir dalam tubuhku itu adalah merah...

Bukan hijau... Bukan putih... 

Setiap kekuatan yang ada tiap kali aku mengharungi segala bentuk peperangan

itu, sesungguhnya adalah merah... 

Kerana merah itu bukan sekadar megah, tapi merah itu gagah...

Merah itu terus bersemarak seumpama api yang tak ada belas simpati...

Seperti gunung berapi yang sedang meledak tanpa perlu tersedak...

 

Merah bukan sekadar darah yang tak pernah berhenti mengalir tetapi

merupakan setiap keberanian yang mampu terfikirkan... 

Terkadang perasaan tak mampu merasakan kerana terselindungi oleh kaburnya sang hati

kerana dikira mati, akan tetapi hakikatnya ia tetap kukuh bersemadi...

Ia tetap terus bertarung nyawa dengan setiap detakan jantungnya...

Ia tetap terus bertahan dengan setiap hembusan nafasnya... 

Dan setiap nafasnya itu dinamakan cinta... Cinta yang terkadang perih untuk diakui mahupun dirasai

tetapi perasaan itu lah penyebab nadi tak sanggup untuk berhenti disaat ini...

Sekurang-kurangnya buat masa ini... Hati tak mungkin menipu tapi fikiran mampu lakukan itu...

 

Tutupkan mata besar itu... Helakan nafas yang tersekat itu...

Leraikan segala kekusutan itu...

Tapi mampukah untuk berbuat begitu?

Nadi berkata ia tak tahu sampai bila mampu bertahan begini...

Nadi tak tahu setinggi mana lagi gunung yang perlu didaki...

Nadi juga tak tahu kalau nadi mampu kekal muda terus dihati merah...

Nadi tak yakin kalau nadi akan terus beri erti kebahagiaan buat merah...

Tapi, nadi hanya mampu untuk cuba tidak mengalah sampai disini...

Nadi akan terus berjuang untuk sang Merah yang selama ini dinanti...

Nadi akan cuba berikan seluruh kegembiraan untuk dikongsi bersama...

Kerana nadi itu biru... Dan biru itu aku... 

Dan aku tak kan biarkan biru itu berlalu tanpa merah ada sebagai pendampingku...

 

Semoga saja merah dan biru ditakdirkan bersatu...

 

Wish...

I wish...

I wish this skin will not blemish..

I wish those lips will stay pinkish...

I wish that adorable attitude won't get tarnish...

I wish people could learn how to cherish...

I wish this body would stop feeling feverish...

I wish moron could stop being a blind fish...

I wish there's a lot more for us to accomplish...

I wish the energy level will start to replenish...

I wish the power of a leader will be relinquished...

I wish the fools stop being foolish...

Ohhh how much I wish...

I wish... Hmmm... I wish... And I wish...

Happy April Fool's Day you dream wish! 

I am feeling like a fool and that is foolish!

I wish I don't have to wish... 

Code Red...

Curling and battling but not in a battle field...

Crunching and squashing but not on the Hell's Kitchen...

Crippled and not moving but not paralyze...

Do not cross the yellow line!

Do not mess around with any weapon!

Do not stay visible as it could be a crime!

Someone could potentially get hurt badly and murdered...

Go away and come back only when the coast is clear...

Attention! Attention!

This is a code red!

I repeat this is a code red!

Code red mode is now activated!

Jolly Lolly...

He is my lolly and he is my jolly... I call him my jolly lolly...

He is a soy to every dairy... He is a joy to every Sally.

I know by being this Sally I can't feel fully jolly...

But for as long as I have my lolly...

This Sally would try her level best to be a jolly lolly Sally...

And so... Sally could wait... She knows it's too late (background music)...

Good night jolly lolly...

Love,

Sally

Pol Pot of Cambodia...

I so want to stop clicking the search button everytime i am on FB just to see the activity...

I am truly hoping that I could stop staring at the same dimple on Instagram thinking of the clarity...

I am honestly praying that every time one catches one breath one would feel my misery...

I do wish that one would see me in every teary songs and thought of one's fault immediately...

One could be the sweetest honey one can ever lay on the lips...

One would be as cruel as Pol Pot of Cambodia who kills the weaks...

One should be the channel of energy not an oil that leaks in the ocean by a drilling rigs...

One ought to pretend that leaving without a notice is better than a goodbye kiss...

Ooohhhhh that sudden paused at the peak of an amazing chat is shocking...

Ooohhhhh that hidden the end note on the phone screen is greatly killing...

Really bombarding... Seriously perishing...

One could be the sweetest honey one can ever lay on the lips...

One would be as cruel as Pol Pot of Cambodia who kills the weaks...

One should be the channel of energy not an oil that leaks in the ocean by a drilling rigs...

One ought to pretend that leaving without a notice is better than a goodbye kiss...

This is a mental blocking but...

This is bone cracking...

Singing...

He sings from his heart and when ever he sings some how the world seems brighter and lighter... 

He who knocked the door to my swollen heart is so sweet that he brought a first aid kit to heal the scar and that ugly bruises...

He is here... He is here in the name of someone that I could call a friend... 

He might be far away by miles but he is here... 

He is here and I put him closely to my heart...

He might be reading not even a quarter of my stories but he is here...

He is here to listen to my hopelessly romantic, sad and comedy series...

I hope he is here to stay and he will keep on singing...

Candy Crush...

Most people have a strong faith of something that they call love... Me? Honestly, i swear I'm still trying to but i can tell you that it ain't simple and not as easy as abc... They said great things won't appear in front of your door just because you knocked... Sometimes they might surprised you with another great adventure or a hard test to challenge you to another level... Just like paying candy crush where you need to be persistence and patience... I keep on asking myself whether or not the patience is still exist but the truth is I have no idea... I think the pain is still there and this is not me who's talking in a negative manner... Seriously, apart from working so hard to get better after the surgery, I am also struggling to heal my swollen soul... I am happy that the bruises is disappearing but the scar that I have in my heart is still thick no matter how religiously I applied the scar removal gel... I hate to feel down or sad... And I hate the fact that i hate it because hate is still hate and hatred can kill you... All I wanted is to be happy but happiness seems to be too big of a word for me... Will there be any room of happiness left for me? I don't want to feel like a child whom finally discover that Santa didn't exist... It's important to strongly believe in something and to be able to hold on to it... I wish I could simply turn off my humanity like a vampire so that I won't feel a thing but the beauty of life itself is by being a perfect human... I love being human but I really wish I could taste the essence of happiness instead of just wanting it... I think the whole series of misery that I went through all this while was a karma but it has been 5 seasons if this stories of mine was a movie and don't tell me that they want to continue with season six? Oh dear! Anyone would be tumbling down the hill if they were in this situation... Coughing badly still to top it all... What else is coming? Hmmmmm...

Nobody said it was easy... Suddenly, "The Scientist" run in my head... Chin up lil soldier (keep telling myself that) each time I am about to crush...