Anhedonia...

What if... I thought i enjoy writing, but on the actual fact, it's just an ephemeral... 

What if... All this while, my smile is not sincere, but just a simper...

What if... My loquacity is unremitting and become annoying...

What if... This anhedonia of mine is killing my soul slowly...

Oh dear... I'm just going to deluding myself if i think things will get better... I thought I'm much better already but why am i having this conversation with you again? I'm blessed with people around me who love me dearly and unconditionally, and yet, here i am sharing unnecessary story... What is wrong with me? Sigh... I shouldn't whine about this... Honestly, something is bothering me from the inside... It fought hard until i scarcely breathe... I'm still searching for the answer but it's too vague to understand... As much as i want to believe in glimmer of hope, I'm actually starting to doubt it... I know i shouldn't... Hmmm... I don't want to look back and dwell on my previous achievement because life is all about moving forward... This is oppressive... I should sleep it off as i have early morning in about few hours from now... Don't want to play the "what if" game anymore... At least not for now...