Aku Bukan Penulis Lagu...

Sedih mendidih pedih...
Perih layu membeku...
Berbunyi nanti salah...
Mendiam terus terbelenggu...
Berbuat akan payah...
Terkedu bau tak terhidu...
Parah masih berdarah...
Terburu meluru pilu...
Membatu kelu merebah...
Perluku redah mulut tak berlidah...

Ridiculously in Love...

Sometimes you just wanted to be clear on things...
Sometimes you just wanted to feel something...
You need something instead of nothing...
You have so many things but does that mean anything...?
Just give me something...
Attention is something...
Caring is something...
Showing is something...
You can’t just change who you really are...
You are you...
Seems easy for you simply because I’m already yours to keep...
I miss you...
I fell in love with you...
I don’t need another person better than you...
I just want the same old you...
I don’t think its fair...
I am still here yet my say means nothing to you...
I am here still but I can only look at you...
Where are you?
Somehow something tells me that deep down inside of you miss you too...
Why can’t you just be you...?
I can only look at you and seat still just the way you want me to...

Perlu...

Akan...
Terdayakah aku bila rasa itu masih ada?
Mampukah aku bila kau bukanlah segalanya?
Bertahankah aku dikala kau tiada?
Terimakah aku bila kau menjauh?
Berjalankah aku bila pandanganmu meliar?
Bangunkah aku bila kau membiar...
Sedarkah aku tatkala terdampar terlayar?
Terlalu jauh ku hilang sedar...
Tercari-cariku ke arah sinar...
Tertahan sakitku untuk kembali berdiri...
Tak kubiar ia larut disini...
Tak kusendiri ditemani sepi...
Kerna ku tau kau terus dihati...
Kerna ku tau pintu untuk kembali tak pernah kau tutupi...
Aku tak harus pergi...
Aku harus kembali...

Towards the...

Hello there happy shiny lovely people... Good day to you... I have a great feeling about today... Honestly, nothing much yet to offer but I can simply say that today will be a new beginning of another chapter of my meaningful journey... It’s the episode of life that I need to discover...

The main reason why I want to share it across with you as my fellow viewers is to let you know that I have a plan ahead of me with regards to work... I would want to believe that the chances of me growing are there but it will definitely require both effort and a willing heart altogether... As much as I would say, that is certainly not what I intended to do for the rest of my life, but I supposed; an acquired taste thing that one learns to like gradually...

Guess what I’ll be doing as a stepping stone towards the ultimate goal of my life? Well, I am sure you’ve heard of premiums outsourcing somewhere right? But mind you that the word premiums that I was referring to have got nothing to do with insurance or what not. Come on, do I look like an insurance agent? The minute I open my mouth and say premiums, without fail they would assume I am into that kind of insurance... No offence but premium is something that I define as a gift from the heart... Involve with it is something I would love to be doing and intended to do for now... I have to admit that I need to expedite the learning part because my skills are rather rusty and like it or not, I shall not delay any further in order to reach my goal...

Whims, fantasies and wishes should guide me on my path today not responsibility or guilt...

Today is the day... Today is a new day... I know that this might not be my best decision but this is my decision nevertheless...

Salah Siapa?

Kalau korang nak tau kan, selalunya kebanyakan dari mereka-mereka yang dikatakan cerdik pandai ni kan suka rasa hanya pandangan mereka je betul... Alamak padam la tak jadi... Awalan penulisan yang berbunyi seperti orang yang ingin bergosip... Hmmm... Tukarlah...

Senang cerita macam ni la... Suatu hari Abu pergi ke apotik dalam keadaan yang menggigil lalu telah mencuri sesuatu disitu... Kebetulan mereka-mereka yang cerdik pandai ni ternampak si Abu mengambil sesuatu itu lalu terus melaungkan "maling" sekuat hati mereka... Dikiranya si Abu itu penagih kerana susuk tubuhnya yang seperti tiang lampu beserta baju yang compang-camping... Ember... Terus dengan lagak sotoi, mereka-mereka terus memanggil orang ramai untuk mengkeroyok si polan tadi... Dikatakan oleh mereka-mereka tadi yang Abu telah nyolong di apotik tadi dan orang kayak Abu kita tonjok aja... Kita sebagai pemerhati atau juri untuk cerita ini pasti tanpa segan silu mempunyai tanggapan negatif terhadap si polan tadi... Tapi kan, cuba kita fikirkan semula babak salting tadi dari sudut pandangan si polan... Sebagai seorang yang tak punya pendidikan tinggi yang pada awalnya berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk mendapatkan pekerjaan tapi ngak pernah berhasil hanya kerna tak punya otak yang ginius atau dibilang goblok senang cerita... Terpaksa menyara hidup bonyok yang sekarat dan mungkin juga ngak bakalan kambuh... Hidup pula melarat atas desakan ekonomi yang tak diketahui kapan berakhirnya semua ini... Makan apatah lagi, hanya mengharapkan sisa belas ihsan dari mereka-mereka yang lebih baik nasibnya... Jadi, cuba fikirkan... Kita bole je cakap siapa suruh dia tak keje tapi kita bukan dia betul tak... Siapa kita... Kita rakyat Malaysia dan masih ada banyak peluang pekerjaan... Kita boleh je jadi lebah atau tebuan di pusat membeli belah walaupun kita tau takkan ada yang suka kehadiran kita kerana keamanan mereka diganggu tapi tak apa... Isu dia nak ke taknak je... Janji rezeki yang halal... Kita boleh la memilih sebab kita tak rasa apa yang Abu rasa... Terus, siapa nak disalahkan? Abu yang nyolong obat buat bonyok dia yang lagi sekarat atau nak salahkan kita yang buat penilaian tanpa sebarang usul periksa? Renungkanlah wahai sotoi-sotoi sekalian... Jangan selalu rasa diri kita saja yang betul... Yakinkah kita di soal jawab akhir nanti kita ni termasuk dalam kategori lulus dengan kepujian atau kita sebenarnya jatuh tersungkur bersama golongon mereka-mereka yang:

1) janji je berbakul-bakul tapi sampai tiba masa tak tepati sebab peduli apa kan kata dah menang kerusi...

2) berkopiahkan kiblat sendiri berkonsepkan MLM dan kononnya lebih ramai ahli dicari lebih banyak dapat ganti solat...

3) kuman diseberang jalan nampak, gajah didepan mata tak nampak...

Kalau nak sambung tulis tak abis sampai esok la jawabnya... Tapi apa yang nak saya tekankan disini bukanlah saya nak katakan yang tindakan Abu tadi betul sepenuhnya tapi ingin juga saya tegaskan disini bahawa tak berhak dan tak layak saya untuk menilai Abu... Hanya yang diatas saja yang layak... Jadi apa kata kita tanya balik diri kita... Salah siapa?

Hanya Itu Yang Kumahu...

Sejujurnya saya sendiri masih mencari erti keberadaan... Seikhlas hati ingin saya katakan bahawa saya bukanlah cerdik pandai untuk mengomel panjang memberi hujah berbekalkan bahan bukti yang mencukupi... Kalau dimasukkan ke dalam mahkamah saya yakin kes saya ini ditutup kerana menurut mereka saya sudah hilang akal atau kes saya ini langsung tidak relevan... Banyak lagi isu politik dan ekonomi yang jauh lebih penting untuk diselesaikan... Saya bukan ingin berdebat mahupun berniat untuk menyaman sesiapa... Ingin saya jelaskan bahawa saya hanyalah pencinta ciptaan Tuhan yang takkan berhenti menyelami apa yang tersirat dihati, dan insyaallah selagi nadi tak terhenti saya akan terus disini mencari erti... Secara luarannya Kondominium di sekitar sini nampak gah dan pastinya setiap satu yang lewat disitu pasti merasa iri akan kecantikan dan keindahan seni binanya... Nampak begitu selesa dan pasti mereka hidup dalam keadaan bahagia dan tenang senantiasa... Tak terfikirkan sama sekali oleh mereka apa yang tak terlihatkan kepada mereka... Tak penting menurut mereka kerana itu bukan keluarga mereka... Salahkah kiranya saya menganggap mereka hanya memikirkan diri mereka sahaja? Salahkah kiranya saya merasa bahawa mereka tak hiraukan sedikit pun tentang erti keberadaan saya? Apakah saya terlalu banyak meminta? Mungkin juga saya yang salah tapi apakan daya saya... Apa yang sebenarnya ingin saya ceritakan disini bukanlah tentang mewahnya Kondominium ini tapi betapa sedihnya hati seorang penghuni... Saya tahu saya bukanlah penghuni yang mempunyai bukti bahawa rumah ini dengan rasminya saya yang miliki...Saya setuju seratus peratus jika anda ingin menegaskan bahawa tiada apa yang di dunia ini tak ditimpa kesedihan tapi bukan itu keluhan saya... Saya hanya ingin berkongsi kesedihan saya sebagai penghuni yang penuh dengan cinta... Saya dipandang hina hanya kerana saya terpaksa menyelongkar ruang-ruang sampah hanya sekadar ingin meneruskan hidup... Alangkah sedihnya saya kerana saya tak punya keluarga yang menyayangi diri saya yang hina lagi kotor ini... Tiada siapa peduli walaupun saya hanyalah pencinta... Tiada siapa yang endahkan saya apatah lagi menunjukkan kasih sayang serta belas ihsan... Saya hanya diherdik dan dimaki hamun kerana telah membuka ruangan sampah dari rumah ke rumah hanya untuk mendapatkan sisa makanan mereka... Salahkah saya? Penat saya berjalan dari satu blok ke satu blok dan dari satu tingkat ke satu tingkat yang lainnya... Mereka akan menjerit sekuat hati tatkala bertentangan mata dan dengan kerasnya melaungkan "Pergi dari sini,tak ada kerja lain ke?" Tak sedikitkah wujud perasaan sayang mereka terhadap saya yang hina lagi keji ini? Dalamnya kebencian mereka terhadap saya... Jijiknya mereka terhadap saya... Terlihat kereta-kereta mewah tersergam indah lagi berkilat di ruangan letak kereta menunjukkan bahawa betapa sayangnya mereka terhadap kereta mereka tapi kenapa sedikitpun tak mereka endahkan keberadaan saya? Saya sedar saya hina tapi apakah salah saya untuk menumpang kasih pada insan yang bernama manusia... Saya tak minta banyak... Saya hanya ingin dibelai dan dilayan dengan penuh kasih sayang walaupun saya sedar saya tak layak untuk menjadi sebahagian dari keluarga mereka... Saya masih sedar siapalah saya... Alangkah bahagianya saya sekiranya ada yang sudi menghulurkan simpati pada nasib saya ini... Saya tak minta untuk tinggal dirumah cantik mahupun mengharapkan sesuatu yang lebih... Saya hanya ingin kalian memberi sedikit perhatian kepada saya walaupun dengan sedikit belaian... Saya tahu saya bukanlah seperti anak emas kalian yang bisa makan tidur di bilik berhawa dingin dan sering dimandikan agar sentiasa bersih dan berbau harum... Saya mohon agar berilah sedikit pengertian bahawa bukan pinta saya dilahirkan tak berkeluarga dan bukan kemahuan saya terpaksa akur dengan kekurangan ini... Saya berdoa agar saya tidak lagi dipandang hina dimata kalian hanya kerana saya kucing jalanan...

More Birthdays and Bad Days

8th November 2008.

Sorry for my delay... I went to Shah Alam for Kush (Rita's bf) Birthday Barbecue aka Pot Luck that day... It was uber fun... Just in case you're wondering which one is the birthday boy, I'm sure you can tell by looking at the picture(the only male)... Laugh... For your information, Rita is second from left in both of the pictures... The other two are Alia and Fara. By the way, the theme was Eco Green so basically everyone should wear anything with green but i can tell you not everybody :( ... Even though we need to travel all the way down from Bangsar, how ever nothing can compare to the joy that we had during that particular day... It was such a calm mild evening... You can call me paranoid but I'm sure you would want to know what food did i bring and the answer is Tuna Sandwiches... Lol... You know I can't cook, don't you? What do you expect me to bring? Home made cookies? Cut the crap! I only cook when i needed to and only if I want to... Well, I can name the food that they served that night but i'm afraid i won't be sleeping for typing it all out... You know what? We ate so much but still there are a lot of left over... Sadly... Luckily, we came out with an idea to give the extras to our security guard instead of dump it as a waste... I bet they are all hungry because they need to stay up all night just to make sure that no intruders are allow to enter our premises... Pity them but that's their job... I'm sure they'll be more than happy to receive it, am i right? Can you just imagine if we throw away pastas, cup cakes or even buttered rice! I don't think so man... Thank God we came out with that brilliant idea... You want to know more? Hmmm of course the photo session is always the best part of the event but sorry i can't reveal it all... Giggle... All in all, we had such a great conversation, great food, great people to hang out with and not to forget great day and location to begin with... P/s: Not to disclose the gossips... Well done Kush and Rita...

7th November 2008.

I have two birthdays to attend to today... At first,I was not having it planned at all... Honestly, i don't even remember... Such a cruel friend i am, i know... Due to some calls and text messages from some friends, i finally agreed and decided what the hell... Today is F day... F day = Fadia and Fatul day... Just for the record, they are not from the same crowd but one thing they have in common is they share the same occasion ... I definitely shouldn't give slick excuses to avoid them... I had a birthday dinner at Basil, Bangsar Village around 8.30pm with the girls for Fadia's birthday and we went to Baskin Robin right after to get some ice cream cake for her... In case you notice the lilies, it was a little gift from Ena and I to our lovely birthday girl... I just love lilies... They're beautiful... They smell nice too... We chose that cake because the rest are a bit too big for us... Just nice is the right word to describe the cake :) We wrap it off during midnight... As soon as i entered the car, Alia calls me... She said "Let's have a birthday party." In my mind at that very moment is, another birthday? " You know it's hard for me to say no and without thinking any further i simply agreed... God, i'm totally cluless about who's birthday is it anyway! I don't even thought of asking... Silly me... But since i've said yes, i need to make my way over by hook or by crook... No regret though... The birthday boy is so adorable *wink*... Enough said... We went to Heritage Row but unfortunately we made such a bad choice... Actually, Khairul did but it's not fair to put all the blame on him... So case closed... As much as the devil inside of me screaming wanting to mention the name of the place we went to, but some how my angel side of me manage to convince me that i shouldn't but i can tell you it was hideous... I don't think there'll be a second time, hopefully... The most important point or moral of this story is not to reveal bad things about others no matter how hard the devil tries to whisper to you...

P/s: Gossip doesn't count do they?

Barbeque Kawan Keramaian

25th October 2008, Saturday...

I've been meaning to post this event earlier but due to time-consuming I can only post it now... Thank you for remain patience... The Barbeque was held in Riverside 3point Beachview Motel in Cherating... As you can see in the photos, the attendees was not as mush as what we estimated earlier... All together including those whom were not in the photos was aroud 20... I think about 10 expected attendees couldn't make it... Erol need to seat for his exam, Duan and Hanif got work to do, Zul Hafiz just had a baby boy so need to be by his other half side, Par and Sham went to gig and arrived late, Nisha, Lydia, Qein, Aida, Ainul, Zikry, Nida, Huda, Ida, Azaruddin etc also couldn't make it... Hmmm i wonder if anyone invite Kamisah... Long time no see... No regret though as i consider it as a successful event... *Wink*

I went there with Lyla and Dayana since i couldn't drive for sure... Laugh out loud... Arrived at 9pm if i'm not mistaken... Safely, thank God... Of course they already started by the time we reached, but they still got plenty of food since the barbeque has just started... In case you still don't know what barbeque is, it is a social gathering especially in the open air at which barbecued food is eaten or to be more specific a large animal (as a steer) roasted whole or split over an open fire in a pit... By the way, the food was delicious and i should gave them credit for their efford... Good job guys... We took our sweet time to eat while some of us are busy at the barbeque corner...

Time flies and around 1opm something we had Karaoke session... Funny because no one dare to lead in the very beginning... How ever after a while we get comfortable and take turn to sing even though not everyone had the chance to sing... It was stupendous... Over all we can only thank the organizing team profusely for making this event happened... We appreciate it a lot and we hope that there will be more to come in the future... Well done all and i do cherish every moment of it... I went back to Kuantan right after and reached home around 1am... Time to sleep as tomorrow awaits...

26th October 2008, Sunday...

Went to Jai's wedding... 2 years younger than me... Congratulation to both of you... Need to rush back to KL to attend Ena's birthday barbeque... Wish me luck... Take care and bye for now...

Last Night of Freedom (Hen's Night)

24th October 2008, Friday...

We went to Palete Pallette to celebrate Suraya's Bachelorette Party and her birthday at the same time... I just don't believe that i can finally went for a girls night out... Normally, i'll be surrounded with guys and at times i do wonder where on earth are my girl friends... Perhaps, i just happen to have a few... Sadly...

We took a lot of photos actually but it wasn't mine but Malissa's... You must be wondering why and the answer is because she has a better camera with a lot of features to make us all look good... *Giggle* As a result, i can only upload few photos here and some how i kind of thinking of keeping it for our own view only... It's not that we're in a bad behaviour or anything but i just don't feel right to exposed all...

Well, in case you want to know when is Suraya getting married, the answer is very soon... I'm happy for her because she found the right one for her... I am not jealous but i'm glad her time has arrives... Hmmm me? Don't even go there... The most remarkable moment was when each one of us gave speech for her... To sum it all, most of it was a good wishes and our prayers for her future well beings... May God blessing be with us all...

I manage to chat with the organizer and although the event cost her quite a lot, but she was so happy that Suraya enjoyed it very much... I hope the memory stays with her... With lots of love from us all... Your girl friends...

The Engagement

18th October 2008... I went to Fara's engagement and i have to admit to the fact that she look really pretty that day... I'm not trying to brag but she's all glitters and shining most likely because it's her special day...

Can't believe that she actually lead the way, way before any of us... Wink... I'm glad to see her smiling all day long and without any delay, changed her profile status to engaged... Goodness gracious! It's a great commitment she has agreed upon to carry therefore she should be ready for it...

The ladder should mean who's next in line but some of it might not be that accurate... Guess which one is and which one is not... Giggle... Honestly, from my point of view i can say it's such a successful event and thumbs up for that... Good food, good location and it was simple yet meaningful... Wish us all best of happiness, wealth and health and last but not least everlasting love... Wassalam...

Bila Hati Bicara Lagi

Salam buat semua... Hatiku mula terdetik untuk menulis pada hari ini kerana hari ini adalah hari yang bahagia... Kenapa?

1) Tiba-tiba entah dari mana arahnya ramai pula kawan lama yang kembali muncul setelah lama melenyapkan diri dari pandangan. Sangkaanku mereka tak mahu lagi berkawan denganku walhal tak terfikir pula diriku mungkin penyebab kerenggangan ini... Apakah mungkin diriku yang menghilangkan diri tidak sebaliknya... Apa-apapun yang penting, baik dari sekolah rendah sampai ke dunia kerjaya, mereka sebenarnya masih tidak lupa... Sayang juga mereka ya... Baru lah kurasa diri ini begitu bermakna, dan hariku tak harus kupersia...

2)Memang niat dihati ingin pulang ke kampung halaman yang telah agak lama rasanya tidak kupijak... Rindu... Alangkah baiknya jika dapat "sambil menyelam minum air" sekiranya satu lagi projek keramaian diadakan... Harapan agar lebih ramai lagi yang dapat hadir... Tak sangka pula rancangan untuk pulang bagi menghadiri perkahwinan akan bersambung dengan makan beramai-ramai... Indahnya kalau berkesempatan... Mudah-mudahan...

3)Alhamdulillah, hati ini kembali terbuka untuk melalui dunia berdikari sendiri... Kembali ke dunia pekerjaan... Itu harapan... Cukup lama tak menggunakan kesempatan dan anugerah yang diberikan... Rugi bukan? Dah tiba masa... Sudah pasti dengan bekerja, lebih banyak menghabisi masa melakukan perkara berguna... Doakan yang terbaik buat diri dan buat semua...

Kalau nak diikutkan, tak banyak sangat perkara nak diceritakan, tapi walaupun sedikit, maknanya mendalam dan tak ingin kupendam... Hmmm... Teringat pula ada seorang makhluk Allah yang panggil diri ini pelik dan drama... Betul atau tidak? Entahlah... Tapi tak apa itu hanya pendapat beliau sahaja... Yang penting keikhlasan komen akan memberi kekuatan diri untuk menjadi seorang yang lebih baik lagi, insyaallah... Kembali positif dalam melangkah hari yang tidak pasti... Amin...

Get-Together Sessions

Frankly, i'm sad because this year i couldn't participate in project gempur raya with my ex school mates in Kuantan of course... However, i consider this year as a meaningful year because all of my immediate family gathered in Kuala Pilah for raya celebration... Honestly, i don't really like the word celebration because to me it's like too much... Raya itself means we received victory for our ability to fast and control our greediness in every angle... So, should i still use celebration to describe my raya? Hmmm never mind...

Well, back to my stories... Guess what? We played bunga api and mercun around the house area... Giggle... I know it's illegal but it was fun... There is no way i could play them in KL where i stay... I must be insane... Anyway, we devided our duty so that everyone involved in raya preparation... The gossip among family members here and there but thank God everything fall in place according to plan...



I'm amazed by the power of a mother to get things ready and it does puzzled me sometimes... Will i be a good mother and carry the role well in the future? Can i really wake up when everybody else are still sleeping soundly just to make sure that the food is ready? Positive thinking is the key right? I should have the will power when the time comes, hopefully... My appreciation and love to my dear mummy for showing me a wonderful example of a good mother... I didn't mean to insult my mama but what to do this year is my time with daddy... Mama is trying her best to be a good mother for us and i do love you ma even though i didn't get the chance to be raised by you when i was small... You have your own reason and i never judge you for that... You'll forever be my mom... Hmmm... I love raya food especially Negeri Sembilan rendang and most of it are extremely spicy... Exquisitely delicious...






Now, talk about traditional ketupat... I cannot 'menganyam ketupat'... Blushing... Seriously I should be able to... New generation should learn how to do it because i'm afraid the future us won't get the opportunity to see it or even taste it...

To sum it all i had a great raya this year and i'm glad we all can make it... Such a successful get together session and i felt relief... Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri from all of us... Sorry if it's not a complete gallery of our family members...

Tears Towards Syawal

Blinking my eyes... Sigh... Can't believe that i've forgotten the fact that i used to have a blog... I became too complacent with my life until i neglected my passion in writting... I love to write since i was 5 and how can i forgot... I guess I'm not myself for this past few years... Frown n frost...

Have u ever thought that Ramadhan is a beautiful month? I believe you have... Have you ever thought that God is great He wants us to taste the appreciation of patience? I believe you have... Have you ever thought that the month itself help us to heal from the unstoppable greediness in chasing life? I believe u have... Have you ever thought of our happiness and laughter are equivalent to a shed of tears from the cemetery? I want to presume you have... We celebrate the victory but they are crying underneath because holiday for them are definitely over... How can i be so happy? How can i really smile and laugh while thinking of others keep bugging over my head? I don't know how you do it but i won't say anything... I lied if i said i'm not happy to eat again... I lied if i said i'm not thankful that i've been blessed with a good life... Still, i believe we all can relate to this and sleep through it... Salam Eid Fitr 1429H to all Muslims and may God blessing be with us... Amin...

Cloud

Sky night cloak with shadow, cloud dance around the sky, star and moon bond together, sun shield with the flame... Ocean blast like a heart, sea need the blue, bird fly without mercy, life watch time together... Cry came instead the mind, ice break along word friends, lonely first then love... Roll, roll back the time...


Sadly they terminated my old blog but no one to be blame but me... Last posted 30th October 2006... Didn't touch it for about two years... What really happen remain untold...

Posted in draft by raisaian : 5/11/2004